2024 Game of the Year Awards: Previews
A BLOODY CARNIVAL OF PIXELS, PROMISES, AND PROFITS
By: Your resident madman lost in the digital ether
The Game Awards 2024 is the annual orgy of hype and hallucination where the unholy trinity of corporate greed, gamer lust, and nostalgia meet to baptize us in 4K trailers and hollow promises. Beneath the glitzy LED spectacle and boozy afterparties lies the truth: it’s all about money, baby. But God help me, I wouldn’t miss it for the world.
THE OPENING SALVO: KEIGHLEY'S REIGN OF SPOTLIGHTS
Geoff Keighley, the man who can sell a toaster as a gateway to enlightenment, stood center stage like a digital messiah. His smile wide, his eyes burning with the kind of energy only endless streams of Mountain Dew and sponsorship deals can sustain. "Gaming is art!" he declared, as the room erupted in cheers from influencers clinging to their VIP swag bags like lifeboats in a sea of capitalistic fervor.
Then the show began. And sweet mother of chaos, what a show it was.
NAUGHTY DOG GOES TO SPACE
It wasn’t a trailer. It was a statement. Naughty Dog dropped Intergalactic: The Heretic Prophet, and the world collectively gasped. A space opera from the masters of emotional torment? Yes, please. The trailer hinted at cosmic horror, space cults, and an AI antagonist with the voice of Willem Dafoe (or so the whispers suggest).
What does it mean? Who cares! Give me aliens, emotional breakdowns, and ten hours of existential guilt dressed up as gameplay. If this is the future of gaming, then sign me up for the starship.
WITCHER IV: WILL THE CODE HOLD THIS TIME?
The Witcher is back. CD Projekt Red proudly waved the flag of redemption, hoping we’d forget the flaming train wreck of Cyberpunk 2077's launch. Geralt—or some new brooding protagonist—will saddle up again, hunting monsters and existential dread in equal measure. The teaser was all atmosphere: blood-red skies, howling wolves, and a cryptic quote from Ciri.
Optimism was in the air, but so was cautious side-eye. Will it be another masterpiece, or will we be chasing patches and refunds for another two years? As Geralt might say: “We’ll see.”
ASTRO BOT TAKES GAME OF THE YEAR—ARE WE IN THE UPSIDE-DOWN?
Nobody saw this coming. The audience exploded in gasps and applause as Astro Bot claimed the most coveted prize of the night. Was it deserved? Absolutely. The pint-sized VR hero leaped onto the big stage with charm, innovation, and pure joy—a trifecta rarely seen in today’s world of gritty reboots and microtransaction empires.
Somewhere in the multiverse, Kratos is smashing a mead horn in fury while Master Chief mutters, "Maybe next year."
FROM SOFTWARE: FRIENDSHIP IS PAIN
Let me tell you something about FromSoftware: they thrive on suffering. Not theirs—yours. And with Elden Ring: Nightreign, they’ve concocted their most diabolical scheme yet. A co-op nightmare designed to test your patience, coordination, and friendship.
The trailer was a fever dream of glowing runes, massive bosses, and haunting whispers. The message was clear: you will play this with friends, and you will hate every second of it. And then you’ll come crawling back for more. Masochists, unite.
OKAMI 2: A SPIRITUAL AWAKENING
There are moments in life that feel like a religious experience. This was one of them. Capcom, with their endless well of franchises, resurrected Okami in all its brushstroke glory. The sequel promises to expand on the original’s stunning visuals and innovative mechanics, with Amaterasu’s celestial paintbrush bringing beauty to a desolate world.
The crowd roared. Grown adults wept. Somewhere in the afterlife, Hunter S. Thompson probably nodded approvingly before pouring another shot of Wild Turkey.
ONIMUSHA RETURNS—SAMURAI SWORDS AND DEMON BLOOD
Capcom wasn’t done. They had another ace up their sleeve: Onimusha: Way of the Sword. Samurai warriors slashing through demons in feudal Japan. What’s not to love? The trailer featured a haunting temple drenched in moonlight, spectral blades shimmering with eldritch power, and a protagonist with a haunted stare that says, “I’ve seen some things, man.”
If executed right, this could be a resurrection worthy of legends. If not, well, at least we’ll get some cool gifs out of it.
BORDERLANDS 4: CHAOS UNLEASHED
Every so often, a franchise comes along that embraces its identity with such reckless abandon that it’s impossible to look away. Enter Borderlands 4. Guns, jokes, and sheer mayhem. The teaser was a neon hurricane of explosions, quippy one-liners, and a gun that shoots smaller guns that shoot insults.
The plot? Who cares. You’re here for the loot, the laughs, and the dopamine hit of watching numbers explode on the screen. Gearbox knows what they’re doing, and they’re doing it loud.
TUROK: DINOSAURS, BABY
When the saber-toothed shadow of Turok loomed over the stage, the crowd lost it. It’s been years since the dinosaur hunter graced our screens, but Saber Interactive is bringing him back with Turok: Origins. Expect prehistoric carnage, absurd weaponry, and a protagonist who stares at a T-Rex like it owes him money.
Will it redefine gaming? Probably not. But will it let you obliterate velociraptors with a rocket launcher? Hell yes.
SURPRISES, SNUBS, AND STRAIGHT-UP CHAOS
The night wasn’t without its controversies. Some fans cried foul when Starfield walked away empty-handed. Others questioned the absence of Hollow Knight: Silksong, the mythical game that may or may not actually exist. And then there was the bizarre incident where someone tried to rush the stage during a Halo announcement, shouting, “Bring back split-screen!” before being gently escorted out by security.
FINAL THOUGHTS: A BEAUTIFUL, BLOATED BEAST
The Game Awards 2024 was everything we expected: flashy, bloated, absurd, and undeniably entertaining. It’s not just a celebration of gaming; it’s a reflection of the industry itself—messy, ambitious, and occasionally brilliant. As the lights dimmed and the champagne flowed, one thing was clear: we’re all strapped into this ride together, for better or worse.